Unconditional Love
Wherein forgiveness is inherent & compassion infinite
wanderlustlover
Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes.


-- Walt Whitman; "Song of Myself"




I was born on May 3, 1983 at 3:35 in the morning. Making me 30, at the time I am writing this in the summer of 2013. I am Taurus, with Capricorn Moon and Aquarius rising, and I know what all those mean and how they show up in my life. It will amuse you, perhaps, I identify as both American and Texan. Both of which are completely different, and recognize (jabbed and seen) differently across the globe.

Alas, I was not issued a ten gallon hat or a horse at my birth. I still haven't figured out who to address my complaint paperwork, too. I do own a lovely set of boots and hat, though, and I can ride a mean horse, and it's on the high list of things that make my heart soar. If you come to visit me I will probably use it as an excuse to have even more horseback riding.

I, currently, live with one my best friends of over a decade (though we're only heading into our fourth year of living together) and his two cats, all three of whom I'll end up commenting on all about's the world of these places, journal entries and twitter and tumblr.

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[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2237901.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover



"They are like pampered animals, that rage in savage sensuality."
-- [Act 4, Scene 1] Much A Do About Nothing


I've been in roleplaying games (RPG's) since 1996. I started in chatrooms over on Chat House, moved to and ran PBEM's (play by E-mails) over on One List/Yahoo Groups, and then started playing in threading journal games on Livejournal/Dreamwidth. Some of my games are long dead and some of them are currently active, but I've got a stunning number of characters spread out sort of everywhere.

This is my master list, so other players (and friend, and even me, myself!) will know who they are all are/were!

( Master Character List )
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  • Thu, 14:46: Thank you.
  • Thu, 21:34: Pay Day Shopping Day is the best of all days -- 9 types of fruit, 15+ types of vegetable, 6 different types/cuts of meat. Best. Day.
  • Thu, 21:54: Acccccck. @teefury, help! My shirt is in drastically the wrong size somehow. Can I fix it?

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  • Tue, 13:31: WTH. "Kono's going to have the worst honeymoon anyone's ever had: It's going to be an interesting ride - that first episode!" - Lenkov #H50
  • Tue, 13:32: I cannot believe you. Her wedding episode was never about her. Her wedding is being skipped. And her honeymoon is now horrid. WTH. #H50
  • Tue, 14:02: @fanmailbox Since this is 'For Lady Geeks by Lady Geeks' will you be offering Girl Cut shirts in the future?
  • Tue, 14:05: @fanmailbox Will June still be open on Friday? (Friday's my payday and I'm hardcore eyeing at least trying out your first month?)
  • Tue, 18:35: RIP Tanith Lee
  • Wed, 10:55: I get super annoyed when a coworker lies to me about something that would not even take 10 minutes if they just sat down and did it.

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  • Fri, 22:01: I #OwnTheSummer with my new skin care line, new bras, sport bras, and endless amazing secials for being an Angel! #AngelsTweetForPoints
  • Fri, 22:27: Outside of the muffle-muting workout socks/shoes and now in blister bandaids, my heels are so unpleased about today.
  • Sat, 10:39: Going to sit down and close accounts today. I put it off forever, not wanting to do it alone. But it's taken over too much of dinning table.

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  • Wed, 12:31: Starting to get sad about @Influenster. I've gotten three survey's now that I don't fit. D: ):
  • Wed, 23:17: RT @BlvckConscious: White man planned to slaughter a Muslim-American community but he's not a terrorist. If only the roles were switched. h…
  • Thu, 09:58: Eeeeeee! I just got added into the @GmailforMac beta! I want to jump up and down and shout YES!

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  • Sat, 17:11: Today's fruit infused water is oranges and lemons.

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[From around 11 this morning. LJ/DW is one of the things actually blocked and filters on the schools internet.]

I wonder if I think about death too much right now, or if it's the absolutely normal amount given the circumstances of my life revolve about 85% of the time around death and the remembrance of the recent death of my father. Everyday I come home and check the mail I have forward mail from him, and another one to four accounts I need to cancel for him.

Saturday I got the second half of his ashes in an urn and all his death certificates.

But thinking about death. I think about it right now. I think because there's no way for me not to end up thinking about my father dying recently in my daily life right now. No matter the coping mechanism I end up using in a day from watching tv shows, to making icons, to being restless about not having anything to write.

I think about how my father was supposed to have four or five years, but poof and he was gone, whether that was personal choices or not. I think about how he left nothing in place. Nothing but a hearsay about where he wanted his ashes scattered. But no will and no even inklings among any of us about what he wanted done with his things.

I think about how I'm probably more numb, and not actually depressed, because I'm on this medication I've been on since last summer. One of which is a high-grade anti-depressent, and one of which is a super low-grade bipolar medicine, and how the combination made my life turn upside up and made me able to be deliriously happy for months with my drastic new turns into teaching.

I think about how maybe it's, also, why I can't fall fully into depression now.

I think about what would happen if a car slammed into me, or I took my wrong medication, with the worst, most serious, warning side effect at the wrong time in the day and forgot I can't have a single sip of alcohol on it, and, and died. No will. No words. The only thing someone might remember at all, at the moment is that "I want[ed] to having a living will in the next five or six months" and "I want[ed] 'She loved words' on my grave stone/marker."

But my things? My memories. My messages I wanted my family and dearest friend to have. There would be nothing. No one would know what I want given to Earl. To Laura. To Carrie. Donated to the religious community I love to pass down. Or to my step-sisters husband, because he would take such care and find such love in my geeky things. That Laura, and then the kids should get the Disney collection. Which, very very specific, books and dvds should to which, very very specific, people.

The same with jewelry. Mementos. Even the tea cabinet, and the china.



It probably doesn't help that I'm reading "I Was Here" right now, either. But I've wanted to read it forever, as it's by an absolute high up there favorite author, and I finally got to get with a monthly credit on audible.

[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2295804.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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