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Unconditional Love
Wherein forgiveness is inherent & compassion infinite
wanderlustlover
Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes.


-- Walt Whitman; "Song of Myself"




I was born on May 3, 1983 at 3:35 in the morning. Making me 32, at the time I am writing this in the summer of 2015. I am Taurus, with Capricorn Moon and Aquarius Rising, and I know what all those mean and how they show up in my life. It will amuse you, perhaps, I identify as both American and Texan. Both of which are completely different, and recognize (jabbed and seen) differently across the globe.

Alas, I was not issued a ten gallon hat or a horse at my birth. I still haven't figured out who to address my complaint paperwork, too. I do own a lovely set of boots and hat, though, and I can ride a mean horse, and it's on the high list of things that make my heart soar. If you come to visit me I will probably use it as an excuse to have even more horseback riding.

I, currently, live alone in a four-plex housing unit with a wrap around porch, in a neighborhood of those and more, that is old as my parents at least, originally made for military families. It's nice and small and I love it, having just signed my second year lease.

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[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2237901.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover
her name is a golden bell hung in my heart,
I would break my body to pieces to call her once by her name


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wanderlustlover



"They are like pampered animals, that rage in savage sensuality."
-- [Act 4, Scene 1] Much A Do About Nothing


I've been in roleplaying games (RPG's) since 1996. I started in chatrooms over on Chat House, moved to and ran PBEM's (play by E-mails) over on One List/Yahoo Groups, and then started playing in threading journal games on Livejournal/Dreamwidth. Some of my games are long dead and some of them are currently active, but I've got a stunning number of characters spread out sort of everywhere.

This is my master list, so other players (and friend, and even me, myself!) will know who they are all are/were!

( Master Character List )
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wanderlustlover
  • Mon, 23:34: #DearBody etc, Let's agree to wake up far more cheerful than we're going to bed, okay?
  • Tue, 08:00: I forgot my water bottle, too. This morning is failing in every direction. I am applying to live under my desk all day.
  • Tue, 08:05: It won't be approved. instead somehow I have teach half a class with only two 1 foot x 1 foot white boards well enough for my basic kids.
  • Tue, 08:07: I am in a bad mood, just ignore me. Sigh.

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  • Sun, 14:34: In a depressing turn of events, I left my Fitbit in the shower rushing between trainer/birthday party. Which, of course, no one turned in.
  • Sun, 18:18: "I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." -- Laura Ingalls Wilder
  • Mon, 09:08: "Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have." - John Grisham

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Books
Corey, James S.A. - The Expanse: The Churn
Matthews, Michael - Stronger, Leaner, Thinner: The Female Body Builder
tNY Press - Shrug 4: Family

TV
Expanse 1.09-1.10
Hawaii Five-0 3.10
X-Files 10.03

Events
Meetup: Wine Group: Favorite Red's
Astrology Class: Fire Signs
Eclectic Traditions’ Imbolc
A Chocolate Affair & Festival
Opera Piccola (in Star Trek!)
* Unrevealed Surprise!

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wanderlustlover
Shut Not Your Doors to Me Proud Libraries
Walt Whitman

Shut not your doors to me, proud libraries,
For that which was lacking among you all, yet needed most, I bring;
A book I have made for your dear sake, O soldiers,
And for you, O soul of man, and you, love of comrades;
The words of my book nothing, the life of it everything;
A book separate, not link’d with the rest, nor felt by the intellect;
But you will feel every word, O Libertad! arm’d Libertad!
It shall pass by the intellect to swim the sea, the air,
With joy with you, O soul of man.


[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2323228.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover
  • Thu, 19:24: The (dark chocolate/white peach) balsamic roasted cauliflower needs to stop smelling up my house with its awesome and let me eat it already.
  • Thu, 23:33: Dear Litkit, I'm very much looking forward to my next prompt. My days are much missing the magic of writing, and early this week was magic.
  • Fri, 06:51: Weightlifting, you do interesting things to my body. I'm so not used to "holy crap, what is that line/brunch/shape" suddenly when I shift.
  • Fri, 06:56: Anthem by Melissa Stein We were all in love but didn’t know it. We were all in love continually. Bless our little https://t.co/PK9voZrmPz
  • Fri, 06:59: "The human heart will never wrinkle." Madame de S�vign�

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wanderlustlover
Anthem
by Melissa Stein

We were all in love
but didn’t know it.
We were all in love
continually. Bless
our little hearts,
smoking and drinking
and wrecking things.
Bless our shameless shame.
We were loud, invincible.
We were tough as rails.
We stole street signs
and knocked over bins.
Ripped the boards
off boarded-up stuff.
Slept in towers
filled with pigeon shit
and fluff. We kicked
beer bottles down
cobbled lanes.
Tires and chains.
Chains and wheels
and skin. The world
was always ending
and we the inventors
of everything.


[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2323185.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover

Ritual space, before I started
(Also, look, Bride's Bed!)



Ritual space, after I finished



Divination for "Seed" Tarot Spread



Divination for Poetry Bibliomancy


And I'd say "Don't mention it" and the door would close.

I think of the rest of our lives. You're on the edge of yours today.

-- Different Ways to Pray, Naomi Shihab Nye

[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2322932.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover
  • Tue, 16:53: Just what today needed: another unavoidable money panic attack.
  • Tue, 21:07: When all you can do is staring longingly (and half tipsy) while people rhapsodize about their rodeo plans.
  • Tue, 22:44: I like knowing I'm tipsy enough I can see what I can't feel, and be very fuzzily glad I'm missing it this time. Tomorrow can hold it again.
  • Wed, 07:10: Day 7: Blessing of the Tools Journal Prompts https://t.co/FMCXkvD9vu
  • Wed, 07:24: Day 7: Imbolc Day Journal Prompts https://t.co/Td8cTIxWjR
  • Wed, 11:28: "One must dare to be happy." -- Gertrude Stein

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wanderlustlover


Inspiring Imbolc - Day 7: Imbolc Day



1. What spiritual intentions did you set this Imbolc?
I did this as the fourth part of my massive (all over inclusive to the class suggestions) Imbolc Ritual. This was the very last section of my ritual that night (that seventh or eighth part, I think), and I wanted it to come after everything so that I was already steeped all over in my choices, in the magic of the rituals of the night, the goddess, the season.

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2. What other rituals did you do for Imbolc? Did you try something new?
I did so much this night, and I tried a grand big number of new things.

Rituals of the night -

1. Self-Blessing
2. Dedication/Re-Dedication
3. House Cleansing
4. Tool Cleansing
5. Tarot Divination
6. Bibliomancy Divination
7. Spiritual Intentions

I, also, used my Paleo Irish Soda Bread (made earlier in this class) as my treat at the end of my long slew of beautiful, magical rituals.


3. In what ways did you welcome Brighid, or the Goddess more generally, this Imbolc?
I spent a lot of my ritual in devotion to her this year, but on top of that I did two brand new things -- both the Brigid's Bed (with white/green cloths and my corn dolly left on the heart over night) and the Brigid's Mantle left outside (a white delicate cloth, held down by one of my newest favorite stones) over night outside my house, as well.


4. In what ways, if any, do you feel different after celebrating Imbolc?
I feel more balanced (even the unending maelstrom that keeps slamming into my day-to-day life) and like the space within my house is larger, more expansive, more peaceful, more enveloping in warmth, attention, comfort.


[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2322672.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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wanderlustlover


Inspiring Imbolc - Day 6: Blessing of the Tools


1. Did you bless your spiritual tools? What tools did you bless?
I did this as the fourth part of my massive (all over inclusive to the class suggestions) Imbolc Ritual.

This one took place after I did a full house cleansing and blessing, and rather in the same form and fashion. Knowing what my intentions were going into it when I set my space for the night I included my whole house which I would be walking around about a dozen times before I was done.

For this one I walked to each altar (the current Imbolc one, the Manipura/Solar one, the main corner one, and Imbolc Seasonal) and each place I keep my tools (the amoir, the corner shelves, the big big book case, the oils shelves) and followed the instructions therein, going through each element with it's representative and then Goddess request.


2. Did you do the Winter Cleansing Bath? What was that like for you?
Alas, no. I was already in my shower post-weight lifting on Monday when I remembered about this one, but I am keeping it on the table as a potential thing I could do during this week, while we are still so close to the ebb of Imbolc.


3. Did you do the Self-Blessing? What was that like for you?
I did this as the fourth part of my massive (all over inclusive to the class suggestions) Imbolc Ritual.

I did this as the first thing of the night (following this one with the dedication/re-dedication), as I have felt the need to stand before something -- whether it was the universe, the goddess, the wild -- and find my center, again, especially in the wake of leaving RCG and still dealing on a daily basis with what it means to sever ties with something that has been in your life for 13 years, and how long it takes to feel like I have to leave an unhealthy (for you, personally) place.

I did this one with an amber oil, since it is my favorite, and I focused on just myself, loving me, praising me, being proud of who I am, being grateful for all my body, soul, heart does. As a cute aside, three or four hours after my ritual, and even writing an ARD document for work, when I went to bed I could still smell the amber oil on the back of my hands and it made me smile as I was curled in my bed headed for sleep.


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wanderlustlover
I'm still feeling a little floaty after last night, even after placing 95% of an ARD being written after my ritual, laying down on my couch while the candles of the altar merrily flickered in the fourth-light of my living room until I finally finished all I could, and blew out my candles, sending my last prayers and wishes with my Brigid's Bed (set before the mantle) and Brigid's Mantle (set outside).

I feel sleepy, but also very good. It's been a long winter and it involved me finally putting into action several things which have been long in coming (and in my very Taurus ways, probably should have happened last fall, or last summer, or maybe even the year before....or maybe not at all, maybe it was meant to be just this right now, in just this right place, to lead me to just this future, because this is who I am and that's not a sin either).

Last night was long and involved, but it feels so good to have started and finished it. It was a very big solo ritual involving a self-blessing, a re-dedication, a full house cleansing, a specific full altar's/tools cleansing, divination by tarot, divination by bibliomancy, and a setting of spiritual intentions for the coming year. There will be more coming as the last two pieces were not finished until this morning had come, which means there are two more journal questions sets to come.

So many thoughts. So much peace. So much gratitude and amazing love for there being this class for every single coming Holiday of this year with all of this stuff involved with it, again and again and again.

[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2321834.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]

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I'm all floaty, all over. I just finished the biggest personal ritual I've done here, at home, alone, in...years. It basically had nine parts, and relied on a handful of others I'd done in activities leading up to now. My head is all floaty everywhere. There will be writing. There will be sharing of thoughts, ideas, two days worth of related journal prompts & one set from in ritual from the pieces related to spiritual intentions for the future.

But I think it will come, perhaps, tomorrow night after Wine Class. Especially as my Brighid's Bed and Brighid's Mantle are only just starting their journey through the night. The same with the candles I'll be burning through the Candlemas night. All my love to each of you within reach of these words. You are dear to my heart and soul.

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wanderlustlover



Pige was not her name. It was not the name on her birth certificate, or the one her mother had chosen three days after her birth, naming her according to old legends of safety and sacrifice, but it was the one she had been called for so long that everyone, including her mother when yelling, called her it as if there never was another name. Her younger brother had never called her by anything else.

Pige, fetch the groceries from the car.
Pige, it's time for school.
Pige, set the table.

Pige, where's your homework?
Pige, how's your mother today?
Pige, well, aren't you growing up big?

Pige despised her name, and had tried to change it several times. Anything would have been better. Sweeping, romantic names like Arabella or Jasmine, or even a normal name like Jennifer or Mary. Still no matter how hard she tried it stuck. Pige, who hated her name and sometimes hated her grandmother for making it all happen, from that first time up to today.

Her fingers black and grey with the sidewalk dirt from picking up feathers while the few of classmates to spot her -- again -- sang 'Pigeon Girl, Pigeon Girl, picking in the dirt and swill' like it made any sense. But when had taunting ever had to make sense. Her face still flushed red, and her hands clenching, splitting plumes and snapping the weakest shafts.

The dirt smears still around her eyes when she would make it, dragging her feet and hating it every step, to grandmother's door, where she lived in the furthest back bedroom or their small five person apartment. Her Grandmother would look up from her little desk, older than Pige and Pige's mother, covered in bottles and boxes, her fast, foggy smile turning to an almost frown.

"You've been crying, again," she would say as she held out a hand.

Pige dropped the fisted feathers into the old, thin fingers. "I don't want to do this anymore. It's dumb."

Her Grandmother raised an eyebrow, hairier than her mother would ever let her own get, but almost majestic in its wildness over her small dark eyes, shadowed in the hardly lit room. Her attention turned to placing the feathers on a special silver cloth etched with arcane symbols around the edges. "Is it, then."

"It is. It's dumb. Pigeons are dumb," Pige said, looking away from her grandmother's eyes and toward the clouded window. "I'm not going to do this anymore."

Grandmother studied her still. Pige could tell without looking. She knew those eyes were still resting on her. Their keen knife-sharp darkness, that wasn't painful, but that cut to the heart of everything, and Pige's heart had already bled enough today. "What could the pigeons have done to cause you to think so little of them?"

"They don't do anything," Pige said, louder, huffier, feeling it growing in her stomach. A bitter ache of shame she could not label as to whether it was the action with teasing or the failing of her Grandmother who asked only this of her, but she couldn't stop it once it started. "They just shit on everything, and eat the garbage no one else wants."

"Maybe so," Grandmother said, quiet and unruffled. "Or maybe it is that they make a feast of what others have forgotten, treasuring and becoming guardians over that which has been lost. Have you ever watched one of them? Really watched them?"

Pige didn't answer, huffing another beleaguered sigh out her nose, looking at her grandmother and then her toes. Of course, she had seen the seen them. Some days it felt like they were all she saw. They were her trap. Cage. Shackles. Family duty. The one no one else had to do, because Pige'll do it.

"They are marvelous creatures," Grandmother continued. "They take off from the ground without looking down, without asking for permission, or clinging to gravity or the Earth for balance, flying up and up and up through mountains of sweeping glass, that mirror them all the way up in the the sky. Picking up and putting out that which everyone overlooks, and yet it is that which will sprout the flowers and plants anew in the cracks and paths where growth might never have come."

Pige's shoulders only sagged, as she rolled her eyes, trying to hide it under her bangs.

"Come closer, Pige-Girl."

Pige sighed at the name, but she dutifully stepped forward to her Grandmother's side.

"If you told a pigeon that it couldn't fly," Grandmother asked, taking her hand. "Would it listen?"

"Of course not." Pige frowned at the obviousness, even as her grandmother picked up a single feather.

It was slender and finger-mottled, dinged on the edges, but grey as dusk right before night with the smallest line of blue when it tilted at one edge, and Grandmother tucked it behind her ear, as she whispered, "Then, why should you?"



[LitKit February Writing Prompt #1: Flight]


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TV
Arrow 4.08
DC’s Legends of Tomorrow 1.01-1.02
Doctor Who 13.05 01-04
Expanse 1.08
Flash 2.08
Marvel’s Agent Carter 1.01-1.03
Supergirl 1.07-1.09
X-Files 10.02

Events
Graphic Novel Book Club
Tarot Class: Lovers & Chariot
Astrology: Earth Signs
Meetup: Doctor Who: Classic 4th
Wild Ecstatic Women
PAX South
Perfect Love & Perfect Trust 1 Year Anniversary

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wanderlustlover


Bedroom
* Bras
* Bags/Purses (1 bag)
* Shoes (1 bag)
= 2.45 bags


Bathroom
* Everything
* Bathroom Towels/Washcloths
* Linens (blankets, pillows)
* Laundry Soap
* Fabric Softeners
* Starches & Pre-treaters
* Baskets
* Irons/Ironing Boards
* First Aide Products
* Vitamins/Supplments
* Pain Relievers
* Medications
* Hair Products/Pins/Appliances
* Brushes/Combs
* Bathroom Cleaners
* Trial/Sample Products
* Razors/Trimmers/Tweezers
* Lotions/Soap Bars/Moisturizers
* Toothbrushes/Paste/Floss/Mouthwash

1.2 bag donations
5 large object donations
1 bag trash
= 3+ bags


Christmas
* Seasonal Boxes

1/2 bag trash
1/2 bag donations
= 1 bag



Total For the Week: 7+ Bags
Grand Total to Date: 18 bags


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