1. I was dedicated to the moon on the third day after my birth.
2. I swear that every baby picture I have of me is of some little boy with a dark brown mop of hair. This does not amuse my mother. It would help matters if I could at least sound sarcastic when saying this I think, except I'm not.
3. I once imagined we had a dog back when I was very young. I would feed all my peas to this dog under the table one by one, and only realized after the meal over and my parents were pointing at the pile of peas and shouting that my plan didn't work well.
4. I like to peal Brussels sprouts layer by layer when eating them. I blush profusely if someone watches me doing this, and because of this I'd broken myself of the habit for a while, but I am getting back to it now
5. I know five people who say that I'm more ready for kids than anyone else they know.
6. I don’t need deodorant. Seriously, since like the age of about thirteen. Only stipulation to this: Days that are over 105 in Texas, because those kill even the best temporized system.
7. My first boy friend's name was Cedric. I was five. He was six.
8. My parents still tease me that he always said back then, "You hafta go through me to get to her."
9. I don't date. By preference. I'm not closed to the idea. I even really like the idea of dates; the whole boy picks girl up, has small gift, there’s dinner and walking and fun. I’m not a fan of the “Canned Date” though; dinner and movie will not earn you a kiss or feelings of being impressed at all.
10. Where as I used to go weeks without shaving, I’ve slipped back into being girly and thus I now shave every other day when I shower. I love the feeling of silky legs against sheets, in jeans, and when someone fingers are running lightly over them.
11. I used to have the horrible habit of not eating or sleeping til my body rebelled without my permission. Now, when I’m being good, I eat three meals a day and on most school nights am asleep somewhere between ten and eleven-thirty.
12. I’m bad at receiving compliments. This, though bad, is much better than it used to be, too. I’d rather say thank you and dismiss the comment, rather than comment or discuss. I’m better at ignoring compliments because focusing on them makes me feel flustered and leaves with no real idea what to do.
13. I stopped crying when I was seven while staring at my sister connected to all sorts of machines through a glass wall in the hospital. I have within the last few years begun rectifying this regret of my life.
14. I understood my sister was going to die and there wasn’t a thing anyone could do about it right around my eighth birthday.
15. Somewhere around then I gave up the act of being a kid.
16. I make up for this by refusing to be an adult now.
17. This idea is obnoxious for anyone near me at points so I put it away and just keep being an adult. I miss not being a kid, as much as someone can miss something they never got to do.
18. I'm a hopeless romantic. Completely, totally, dyed in the wool, I’ve-tried-but-can’t-get-it-out-of-my-bl
19. I'm a closet optimist, working with a realistic cover.
20. I believe in the silver lining.
21. I believe it always will get better.
22. I don't believe in a stronger power than love.
23. I used to hate having sex, thinking about sex, sexual society and most things related to sex. This –having and thinking about sex- has changed.
24. My opinions about the sexual society have not. I still find it destructive, demeaning, and find myself appalled, and less able to respect those with a bent toward it.
25. I've only gone weak in the knees once in my life.
26. I only kissed the boy who made me go weak in the knees once in my entire life, too.
27. The first time I had sex it was with someone I wasn't in a relationship with, wouldn't regret, and still love. It would have gone a lot better if he hadn't cried.
28. The second time I had sex it was in a rain storm with someone I hadn't known for more than twenty four consecutive hours. I do not advise this action, it leads to long letters, sudden visits and them wanting to date you if they think the sex is good. Also, leads to long talks with yourself about deconstruction and confusion.
29. The third time I had sex it was with the person who would destroy me sexually for a long time. This was not their fault, I’ve realized after some long reconstructive work on myself. I may not have done the damage, but I did just as much damage by staying and by saying nothing.
30. Sex has, though, been revolutionized in my life. It is now much more about connection, laughter, experimentation, joy, and passion. Also, hard walls, soft bonds, and exhibitionism.
31. I do not like being put on the spot by people who like me who I've never even reciprocated to in a word or gesture. This makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and guilty if I still have to stay near them.....and most of all makes me stay away from them.
32. I am the girl equation of geek boy mixed with comic-boob-girl. I was raised on Star Wars, Star Trek, computer, gaming, etc.
33. I have huge fascinations for Sci-Fi books, Role-play in table top, real life larp, and on the computer, and Comics. I was a comic book store manager for two years, with the nicknames "Boobs", "Hippie Frog" and "The Jean Grey Fan over there".
34. Jean Grey is god. Do not tempt me to explain why in great detail. I am the fan girl. You
35. I love Strazynski. AKA I love Midnight Nation. I love Rising Stars. I heart Babylon 5 and Lyta Alexander. I adored Jeremiah. I love his run on anything he touches.
36. I was hired to Ike and J's because I mystified TJ with the amount of X-Men knowledge I had then. I have even more now. so much so that even in Oregon he'd track me down on the phone and on the computer to get me to answer questions for his customers.
37. I've only dated two comic guys. Kevin and Brent.
38. I've only had a crush on three others. Dale, Eric and Matthew.
39. I've only ever said I love you to four men and meant it for that whole dating, in love thing, want to hand my soul and dance in the stars forever way. Josh, Brent, Kris and Billy.
40. I don’t think Billy will ever be in the category of Josh, Kris, and Brent, either. I think he’s terrifyingly surpassed what they had already.
41. The first person I ever kissed was Jay Asterman. Not only was he a bad kisser, but he was busy trying to score with my best friend behind my back. She survive the blow up when I found out, he didn't.
42. To get me to date someone or even realize I like someone you usually have to hit me on the head with it or try and get them to kiss me before I realize it's there. This? Not always the safest way to go about getting crushes on people, because you end in the lap of people who are taken before you know why you are in their lap.
43. Even though Kevin was the most annoying person in the world sometimes...I miss gestures like a single red rose in my comic box on our one week anniversary that just waited till I found it.
44. I will melt at the smallest, sweetest gestures. Woosh. Puddle. Goo.
45. I completely understood that discussion about inferiority complexes about superiority complexes. I think I struggle under one sometimes.
46. When I was ten I had an imaginary white tiger who walked with me to school, had a food dish under the bar opening in my kitchen, and protected me while I slept.
47. I had just moved to a new school and my best friend then was Sandra Crumrine. Her other best friend Erica hated me for "stealing" Sandra away. I really disliked her. It wasn't for another year that I realized I'd always had the hugest crush on Sandra.
48. Nick Wetherington was my other best friend is middle school. He was shorter than me, had blond hair and blue eyes. He also had a deal with my locker than only he could get it open. I couldn't and he did every morning of my eighth grade year. He was in choir and date half a dozen people I knew, including one Megan draper who told me I had to stop being his best friend because she was his girl friend now. She was afraid I was going to try and steal him away no matter how much he and I both said we weren't interested.
49. Took me another year and both of us in different schools to wish I had dated him. Hell, I still do in some ways (the same way with the whole Earl thing). And I want to tease him for getting taller than me. That was completely uncalled for.
50. I met Josh in my seventh grade year in middle school, after being sent out of the choir room and tried to ignore him while he sang "Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall". That year was the beginning of The BIG Crush on him. It caused me to do bad things like write "Stay Cute" in his year book. He has amazing brown eyes with golden sparks in them and emerald fire rings around them. Usually they are blurry and stoned.
51. The BIG Crush lasted six years, ending a month after I turned nineteen and lost my virginity to him. Never fall in love with someone you'll never date, never trust, always forgive and always love.
52. I still love him. About two years I took the ring off my keychain finally though (two years later than the over part), but I will still keep that promise if he ever calls it in. Even if it will scare the very hell out of all I am to imagine going and standing in his presence again.
53. Brent, though, does not scare me in the same retrospect anymore. I am fully and finally over Brent, which is as good for out friendship as it is for my sanity. Twelve months ago I could not have said this though.
54. I love to spoil people. Gifts for no reasons and even bigger piles of gifts if there is a holiday. I like gifts for no reason more though, because they surprise people.
55. I am often a pacifistic doormat who's much too forgiving of the dirt wiped on her.
56. I always turn the other cheek, always give someone another shot and always forgive them.
57. I need temper management classes.
58. I, also, need temper releasing classes.
59. My temper resembles this:
Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Punching the wall and screaming at the top of her lungs.
60. I have really good breath control. This helps immensely with 17 years of being a High Soprano.
61. It also helped with figuring out how not to panic when they dropped me in Salado Creek for my first scuba diving in a real body of water.
It had rained the day before, the run off was everywhere and I couldn't see an inch in front of my goggles.
62. I have minor claustrophobia.
63. I still have fears about the dark. About the things that might wander in the dark where I’m not looking. And anxieties walking from my car to the door of my house during the middle of the night.
64. I don't like spiders, but I have come around on the whole snakes thing after living with two, and keeping one as a pet permanently. I still can’t believe we accidentally cooked the first one on Brinna’s porch in the Texas sun of mid summer.
65. I have huge fears and sad acceptances about not being understood.
66. My first word, to my parents delight and confusion, was hippocampus.
67. I have always had a vocabulary above my age. I always have. San Antonio College offered to skip me two years in the English department. I turned them down in favor of taking the classes. This was before I’d named my English Major, as well.
68. Phoenix when we were originally meeting was amazed I talked normally in person, for the way I talked with big words and poetic stint in messengers on the computer.
69. I love to learn new things.
70. I hate classrooms. I hate them even more now that I’ve come to love classes, school, teachers and homework. I think they are defunct methods of teaching, that can be done so much better outside of them.
71. I hate doctors and hospitals more. I have little faith in hospitals and doctors. I really, really, really, really dislike anything in them with a needle, a shiny marble floor, a hard chair, or that distinct anti-biotic-disinfectant smell.
72. Before I came out of my mother my name was Eric and I was male.
73. My uncle is the only one who is allowed to call me Mandi because since the day I was born he's called me "Baby Mandi"
74. I loose purses and wallets at a rapid rate and because of such don't carry them, choosing instead to put whatever I have in my back pockets along with my drivers license, credit card and military id. The rest of my wallet is a permanent fixation in my car.
75. I loved my first car. More than most people. I let me fly on fire at the speed of the wind with the air in my hair and my arms thrown out.
76. I will not do almost anything for anyone anymore. I am a not a helpful shmuck, or passive martyr that way, anymore. And I do care about whether I get to hear someone tell me thank you, though most of the time you can end up seeing it more than hearing it from a person
77. I help people I don't know even by stopping where cars are parked with panics light flashing. I've drive these people to gas stations, pushed cars to gas stations, helped change tires, and rescued people from flat tires that I knew even.
78. I really like casa de Live Journal. In the rabid dog who would yell to the top of the sky if you tried to take it away from me variety way. I can express myself here in ways I never could in a spiral except in my poetry.
79. My favorite number is three. My tarot card is the moon. My rune is Kenaz. I'm Taurus, with rising Pisces, yet an adoration for fire. My present deity trio is Diana, Luna, and Selene.
80. I'm Family Tradition Wiccan born and bred to the life style.
81. I only wear one piece of jewelry always. A silver pentacle necklace that I don't take off when showering or sleeping.
82. I would prefer to never wear shoes again.
83. I'm an expert rider and want to go back to horse back riding frequently. Especially on the beach at sunrise. And in other countries.
84. I want to travel to more countries before I turn twenty five. I don't want to look up one day and realize I've lost the chance and am bogged down with my life. I don’t think there is a possibility of this happening, but somehow I worry anyway.
85. I fear looking up one day and realizing I'm trapped in the life I'm in at present because all the events leading up this didn't look like this and I don't remember how I got here.
86. I used to do that at least twice a year. I have done it even once in the last eight months. I know exactly where I’m supposed to be, with who and doing what right now and it fulfills me more than anything I’ve ever known.
87. I like to write. A lot. I keep this journal. I write near twenty six story related pages a week whether for fandom or gaming, plus my poetry, letters, and whatever else I need to be doing serious work on for school
88. I'm presently writing a few WIP (The Phoenix Ascendant Arc, The Greatest Miracle o All and Night’s Child of Darkness and Light), many short stories (like Ownership of a Star) that started but never finished, two different fanfic100’s (one for Casse, another for Jean Grey) and my novel I’ve been writing in my head for years (The Last/Lost Aria).
89. I am very grateful to Carrie, Luba, Tangles, Winter, and Heather who are the only people who've had to be my betas and really understand how much this next statement is true. My thoughts move faster than my finger there for there are many typos and words switched in my writing that I never catch.
90. I haven’t read books or comics with fever in weeks. I *am* in seriously horrible with drawl.
91. I own more than five thousand comics. I own a prized collection of X-Men comics of which I only don't own fifty of them and all those are under one hundred. I'm just picky on my grades and their expensive. My prize book is an X-men #2 in VF.
92. I miss working in a comic store more than about anything I've missed in a very long time. I think that this is mostly true because I’ve realized I’ve stopped being the person who will go back and get to work there for years again. Soon it’ll be grad schools and teaching. And, though somehow it shocked me, I’m really not eighteen anymore.
93. If I could meet one historical figure it would be Gandhi. If I could meet one written fictional character it would be Casse.
94. I've never broken a bone in my entire body. I’ve gotten the tip of my right pointer finger sewed back on though (it got smashed in a wooden door at St. Monica’s). The only scar I have on my body that’s stayed is on my right shoulder (from falling off a bike) and the two set left by Kali (my right mid-arm and my left calf). I have no others scars from the world on my body anywhere. Even the minor ones I get heal away completely.
95. My name means "Beloved", “One of Love” and "Worth of Love" which someone recently said was funny since that’s the way I act about everyone else. I just pursed my lips and hit them with a pillow.
96. I believe in unconditional love.
97. My bed for the last four years has been made up of varying shades of blue. The sheets, blankets, pillow cases, covering quilt – all different shades of blue. I sink into it for solace, relaxation and the end of my night. Even just looking at it when I walk in my room after a stressful day causes me to calm down more.
98. My first other favorite thing in my room is my herb rack collection. I have seven on my wall at present, two on my floor, and more herbs still packaged in alphabetically order than could fill double that number of racks. My herbs make me very happy, thought I’m very selective with those I share what I’m doing with my herbs now a days.
99. My oils I’m not so selective about and write about freely. I love my oil rack. I enjoy continually buying more oils. I like making mixture for perfumes recently and I like making them for true medicinal and religious uses.
100. I'm happy with my life right now, even if impatient about the future. My blood family is stress at times. My true family is a life saver. My friends are my salvation from the tide of homework. And my future is so bright I need shades.