I woke up this morning, to have to handle the flat I got while at the rodeo last night, which turned into having to buy two expensive new tires. My mother bought me breakfast and we handled my new cellphone plan during that -- which, at least in the first spark of good new in weeks -- is $30+ cheaper monthly than my current one with Earl, and has something like 8 gigs more data. Family plans for the win, for serious.
I should say my parents have really stepped up in these last two weeks, since Earl dropped the bomb. They've been there tirelessly day and day out, all of it. During the lunches with my mom every Monday, and her checking in on me through this week as something huge, expensive or emotionally epic landed on me every other day of this week.
Blessing I do recognize, even if everything else is all eating me alive.
I went to a birthday lunch for a friend, and then went to the Rodeo to live through the last day of concerts that weren't Rodeo Vacation Weekend. It was really tiring in a lot of ways. Some good moments. Some good shows in the Bulls and Finals. But I spent most of my time there reading my kindle. Mostly, I drifted like a pod broken off from a tree, being spun by the wind, just waiting for the world to let me come home finally.
Because tomorrow is supposed to finally be a down day. Hopefully.
But the reasons I felt like writing didn't happen until a few seconds ago, when I got home, got out of my boots and my rodeo gear, hung up and dropped of everything, and decided to eat a piece of chocolate from my Escapes Special One-Off Box. The Vegan Hearts. Which I hadn't looked at very carefully, so when I opened it out tumbled a standing clip.
And in the clip, a tiny folded piece of thin vellum. A fortune.
Which I took a tiny shaky breath and opened. It read --
Joy is on the way!
It always does just come!
It's a painful kind of thing. The breath that came next as I closed my eyes. Because I believe unshakably in the magic and messages all around us. In the fortunes we find, and the things we pass. In the amazing dichotomy that makes every choice in freewill the world-and-self woven blanket of fate. Because I have the kind of faith I never asked for or earned or built in the future, and the turn-around.
And even more I have unbeatable hope in my heart, that shines even more fiercely, tenaciously, in hard times. So I closed my eyes. Opened them, read it again. Close my eyes and let a deep breath out. I know the next week won't be easy (as we're down to five days now until Earl leaves), but. Joy is coming.
If I have to close my eyes, and believe in something tonight. I'd be glad to let it be that.
[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2276183.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]